Encountering fear

These days I prepare myself for the teaching of a 5Rhythms workshop. A Heartbeat intensive about lightness.

Life presents me with the opportunities to explore deep in my own being. Yesterday I had the chance to take a deep dive. I have not before been able to explore fear on this deep level.

If I feel deeper into the fear, as I meet it now. A fear that is almost impossible to express. Every time I express a part of it or a layer of it I become overwhelmed for a moment. It was a powerful experience to be awake and express it anyhow.
As I connect to it on a deeper level, sit in it as to say. Burning in it, in connection. It feels like my whole body becomes possessed by this energy.

My whole body becomes fluid and morphing. A bit snake-like, and it is a strong pulsing moving mass. Defined but not fixed. Thick, almost muscular, but not stuck at any point. The intensity comes in waves. and as I disconnect from any story these are waves of super high intensity. Hard to bear, and powerful at the same time.

The most poignant question is: Fear, what do you want to show me? What do you want to do for me?

As soon as I ask that question it takes me to a deep still point in myself. A place, empty with super high intense pulsing, and quiet and still at the same time. Waiting but not waiting. It takes me to a deep place of potency in myself. A place of strength and infinite possibilities. I feel a bit of a “Barbapapa” that can shift into anything that is needed. And it’s not moving into anything when it’s not needed. As I describe it now, I perceive it as awareness in its pure state. Stil and totally ready. The still point that holds all the movements.

It is as if my fear want to connect me to a deep fluid inner state that is ready to be with anything, Anything.
In the still point, there is energy and that energy can shift into movement anytime.

As I linger in this area of my being I become aware that the high intensity is scary in itself. The connection with this potency is scary, at least to me. I can imagine that it scared me away before. As it might do with others. That’s why I get in my head as I get scared. I just deviate the energy into stories. If I stop going in the stories I become awareness with intensity. I must admit this is a powerful experience in itself.

As I feel this, I also connect to another layer of Flowing (the first of the 5 Rhythms) and understand more of the fluidity of my own nature. It’s totally different than the formlessness of water. It has shape and texture and is ever changing at the same time, not holding on anywhere. It has immense power to be accurate and exact what is needed. It morphs all the time connecting inner and outer.

What struck me the most is the intensity. Wow, it takes something to stay in the middle of that.

I bow deeply in gratitude for the journey and for the potent human beings we are.

And in August we take 4,5 days to dive in the Landscape of the Heart,
Click here for more info